June 2018           "A Journal of Biblical Understanding"           Volume 14           

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Can A Husband 'Rape' His Wife?

Question submitted on: Friday, May 23, 2003 at 09:19:03
Greetings. Thank you for the question you submitted and for allowing us to serve you.

Question: Is there a such thing as a husband raping his wife? Can he take full advantage of her if she is not willing?
(Rape) = The crime of forcing a person to submit to sexual intercourse.

I only want what the Holy Bible says in this matter. I have asked many people of clergy and all have different answers. If we are all into the bible why is this question so hard to answer. I had some people say because it is twisted to keep women in their place and there are those who say yes it is the right of the husband. As a young woman can you see the effect that this would have on society if women of the world knew this? I for one would never marry.

Answer:Every one needs to realize that one of the major reasons we are living this life is to learn how to get along with other people!

This society is so messed up because of Satan's influence, it is no wonder (to me) that thereare so many troubles in this world.

When we go back and read the story of Adam, Eve and Satan in the Garden of Eden, some understanding given to us by the Holy Spirit will clarify many things about the relationship between men and women.

When most people read the Bible, that story gets very twisted because it is colored by what people have been taught for centuries.

Consider this passage:

Gen. 2:
22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

There is the whole basis for marriage as God intended it. The man shall leave his father and mother and shall CLEAVE unto his wife: and THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH.

That directive shows when a man and woman marry, they have had a courtship which has explored their compatibility with one another. They have talked about many things over several years of courtship (not living together unmarried in a marriage relationship, which is fornication). Sex is not THE major reason for marriage although it is important in creating more children for God's Family (to be) and to fulfill the desires God has built into man and woman to be parents.

Once the excitement of courtship wears off, the relationship will become very clear and each can see the other as they really are, with all their faults and all their great points! Then they can decide whether or not those faults are outweighed by all those good points to the degree that those faults won't ruin the marriage relationship.

Satan, the deceiver (Revelation 12:9) has created an atmosphere of hostility between men and women which is designed to BREAK UP marriages. One of his greatest desires is that there be NO MARRIAGES between men and women.

Why is that?

Because the loving, godly, relationship between a man and a woman produces children who will be loving and godly!! Those children will also produce children who are loving and godly.

Probably none of those you questioned before ever told you about God's desire to create a family! None of them told you that God IS A FAMILY! The word GOD in Gen. 1:1 is from the Hebrew word 'Elohim'. It is a uni-plural noun that can refer to ONE or MORE THAN ONE.

In this instance, there are TWO beings in the God Head, God (the ancient one) and God (The Word, who became Jesus.) The word 'God' is much like the word 'family.' It means there can be more than one in this relationship, and in this instance, reading down through Genesis One, we can see there are TWO persons spoken about.

Gen. 1:
26 And God said, Let US make man in OUR image, after OUR likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; MALE AND FEMALE CREATED HE THEM;
28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Man (male and female) was created in GOD'S OWN IMAGE while everything else was created after IT'S OWN IMAGE or 'kind'... cattle created after the cattle 'kind' and birds after the bird 'kind', etc. As an aside, this is the very reason mankind didn't come from 'evolution', from apes or from 'primordial slime'! Mankind came from other of mankind.

Satan has been busy ever since, trying to destroy families, or even the image of a family. He doesn't want mankind to continue to exist and if he can destroy the relationship between a husband and wife, there will be no people for God to convert to Spirit when Jesus returns to this earth.

Satan has done a fantastic job of deceiving mankind so far! A lot of people don't even believe there is a Devil, and he likes it that way. It gives him even more lee-way in his deceptive practices.

Ok. With that background, what was God's intention when He created male and female. From the very beginning God and The Word have wanted more beings in the God Head just like them (i.e. after their image and likeness - Gen. 1:26-27) God's desire is for those beings to be there BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE, not because they are afraid of dying. Not because they have been threatened with "burning in Hell forever and ever!" (Incidentally, there is no such thing described anywhere in scripture.)

Now what does God say the relationship should be like between a man and a woman, sexually speaking?

1Co. 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. (Shows equality here, doesn't it?)
5 "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." (With agreement between them, and for a short time for especially Godly reasons described here husband and wife may abstain--- again, FOR A SHORT TIME!)

Benevolence means 'good will, kindness.' A man and his wife are supposed to have good will toward one another and be kind to each other. Just those two things would make a change in marriages that would seem almost miraculous if people would just be that way.

However, SELFISHNESS (a major characteristic of Satan) always rears its ugly head! The husband wants HIS WAY, and the wife wants HER WAY. THEY ARE NOT ONE as God intended them to be. They are not one in mind, one in direction, one in thought, one is deed, and therefore there is that "battle of the sexes" which is so often promoted by groups like NOW (National Organization of Women). There is that faction which promotes "women equal to men" (and they really mean women OVER men.)

Please take the time to read Proverbs 31 (the story of a righteous woman). When you read, please realize there is another side of that story which isn't being told here. It is that the husband in this story isn't trying to keep his wife from doing any of these things, and he doesn't feel threatened by these activities.

A husband and wife should be equal in the family, except for the fact the husband answers directly to God, and the wife answers to her husband and God.

Ephesians 5:
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, AS UNTO THE LORD.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

This shows a relationship between husband and wife that transcends anything physical. The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT. His example, love, care, and concern should cause the wife to be more godly in the Holy Spirit. The wife should reverence her husband (Eph. 5:33) and the husband should GIVE HIMSELF for his wife (verse 25) in working, living and helping to fulfill God's commands to him! This is as God intended from the start!

They should be WORKING together to make the family grow and prosper. They should be working together to teach their children how to live Godly lives. Each should be spending precious time with the children AND with each other. A husband and wife should have time just to themselves (together). Some have suggested they still have "dates" with one another, or that they should go for a short day or two of vacation....just the two of them, TOGETHER. Of course, they should also take short trips with the children, teaching them how to relate to other people in society.

If husband and wife would obey God's scripture I quoted above, along with all the other things I mentioned that have been suggested (and there are even more), giving benevolence to one another, not defrauding one another (withholding sexual contact when it is desired) or using sex as a weapon against the other, then there would be happy, joyful husbands and wives, and their children would be balanced, happy and joyful as well.

There are far too many women who use sex as a tool to get their own way with a husband. Sometimes this leads to rape, the husband believing he has the "right" to sex if he is married to a woman.

Sometimes it leads to the husband committing adultery with another woman, believing "well, if I can't get it at home, I can get it somewhere else!" All of this is WRONG!

If the marriage was all within the Godly context I have explained above, it would be the happiest, most joyful and productive relationship on the face of the earth. It would also produce children who would grow into healthy, obedient, cheerful, intelligent and productive people whom God could then easily convert to Godly people and then save them in the resurrection to Spirit Life.

Is there such a thing as a husband raping his wife? YES. Can he take full advantage of her if she is not willing? Because of his strength he can. However, it is not lawful...either in this society or in God's eyes.

Ma'am, I have been married over 50 years. We have had our ups and our downs. We have had our heartache and heartbreak, but we have had joy and love and happiness!

When a husband and wife BOND together as one, all the trials and tribulations of this life CANNOT dim their hope, love and joy of being together and producing a family. It will actually bond them more closely together and they put up "bulwarks" against more troubles.

The joy of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren cannot be described. It MUST be experienced to truly understand what a marriage is all about.

May God bless your understanding on this for it is NOT a minor matter.

I pray I have helped and edified you in what God desires from the marriage of a man and woman. It has tremendous potential that most have NEVER imagined.

If you have more questions about this answer, please send them to me at the address below. If you have different questions you would like to ask, please connect to http://7times.org and leave your question. I will be more than happy to be of service to you.

Your friend in Christ,

Ken Browder, Editor -The Seven Times Newsletter -

NOTE: Thank you for your question. As the Bible is the ultimate written authority of truth given by God, we encourage you to check our answers in your OWN bible. We also encourage you to visit our Bible study Web Site frequently for NEW articles and study materials. May God Bless your study!

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